Eating Out With Children

On Sunday we went to dinner with our children.  We decided on vegetarian Indian.  This has never been a good idea.  In the best of circumstances, dining out with my children is an experience worth missing.  It's not the dining part.  They have nice manners, when they choose to use them. The children are pleasant company, and can make interesting conversation.  No, it is the ordering.  At a familiar restaurant, they can spend half an hour or more just to decide they will have the same entrees they always have.  At a new restaurant, they spend that half hour debating what to order with a million questions. So, place us at a restaurant with a type of food they generally do not eat, and OH MY GOD!

One further fly in the ointment, toss in my in-laws, especially my dad-in-law.  He's amazing, but his world is very ordered and controlled.  You can imagine what it's like to throw three children into that nicely ordered world.  We can watch the tension creep as the kids cannot decide what to order.  It creeps ever higher when they don't like the foods they've chosen, not to mention his amazement at the amount of food they eat.

An interesting experience for all observing.

The most interesting part of the evening, after all was said and done, and all leftovers packed up to come home, each kid said they'd go back to that restaurant again.  Seriously?!

Someone Needs to Explain This!

I need someone to tell me why this happens.  Why do seemingly normal people suddenly choose to put antlers and red noses on their cars.  It's bad enough that people torture their pets at this time of year.  Many, many dogs, and some cats (cat people don't like to see that look of derision on their cats, and so usually avoid the holiday costumes), are subject to the humiliation of Hanukah kippot, candle hats or dreidel costumes, Santa hats, ugly Christmas sweaters, antlers, and elf costumes. At least the animals can look upon their people with scorn.  "If I could only work the can opener and the door knob I'd be outta here!" clearly written on their faces.  In extreme cases they can bark, whine, scratch, and/or bite to protect themselves from the most demeaning of holiday wear.

Cars, on the other hand, are inanimate objects.  They are not cute.  They are meant to convey others from place to place.  The y can be practical or majestic.  They can be cool or odd.  However, no matter what kind, it is embarrassing to all inside to be riding in a car that has been ridiculously decorated.  At least those who place Hanukah menorot atop their cars, although looking stupid, have an excuse that the commandment for Hanukah is to publicize the miracle.  What excuse can be made for dressing you car as Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer?  None!  There is no excuse!  On top of that, it's Rudolph in his early days.  The antlers can hardly be called that.  They are small sticks completely disproportionate to the car. 

I love Christmas.  I love the music and the lights.  I love that I can enjoy all the joy without having to untangle light strings.  I do enough of that for Sukkot.  But seriously folks, this is unacceptable.  Do not demean yourselves with small sticks and red noses on you cars.  And when the holidays are over, do not put lips, eyelashes, horns, or testicles, especially blue ones on your car or truck.  Yes, I have seen all these things.  Stop the madness!

Wow That's Weird

What's weird you may ask.  You know when you drive out of the city to visit friends or family, or just for a scenic drive, you see all sorts of stores lining the roads hoping to entice shoppers with the interesting wares they put out for us to see?  Of course you do.  In Muskoka you can see gazebos, outdoor furniture, and the occasional moose.  We window shop each summer.  On our most recent drive (not to Muskoka), we passed a number of antique stores, not at all unusual.  At these stores you can see a similar array of interesting goods.  There are car parts, banners, furniture, windows, all sorts of detritus.  Today I saw a giant chicken.  Yes, a giant chicken sculpture at a store by the side of the road.  It looked like a fat Foghorn Leghorn.  "Huh, that's interesting," I said to myself, and gave it no more thought.  Later on the drive we passed a second antique store in a beautiful old house with a wrap-around porch.  Leaning against the porch steps was a second giant chicken.  This one a metal sculpture of the Kellogg rooster a full story high. "Wow, that's weird," I said aloud, and I was right.  You don't often see even one giant chicken in a day, let alone two.

Sean's only question, "Do you think he knows the Long Island Duck?"

Kitty Blog 8, by Gandalf the Grey

I saw Nora's post.  Here's my side of the story.

Nora completely exaggerates.  I knew she was there all the time.  She didn't scare me one bit.  I just jumped to humour her.  That's what a gentleman would do; play along.  Yeah, that's it.  I was humouring her. 

I shouldn't do it.  She's quite full of herself really.  She always acts so aloof, but I know she's really a kitten a heart, and wants to play.  That's why I do it.  After all, even though she's a pain she is my big sister.

It's My Turn #10, by Nora T. Cat

Laundry is the greatest thing ever!  My people tend to do laundry in piles.  It's wonderful for so many reasons.

1. Laundry fresh out of the dryer is warm.  I can climb into the basket and snuggle down surrounding myself in a cloud of heat.  If I'm lucky I can manage a ride from the laundry room to the bedroom without having to move.

2. Laundry is soft.  There's little better than a pile of towels or sheets to sleep upon.  It has just the right amount of give for me to get comfortable.

3. Large laundry piles make wonderful vantage points.  From the top of a really full laundry basket I can observe all that happens in the bedroom and the hall beyond.

4. SOCKS! I love socks, especially when they have been paired for easy carrying around the house.  

And my latest discovery...

5. Laundry provides camouflage and cover.  Last night Jen had piles of laundry on the bed being folded and sorted.  The spaces between the piles were just the right space for me to hide while observing the entrance into the bedroom.  I bided my time.  Eventually Gandalf came in to eat.  That was my opportunity.  I watched and waited.  I marked the kill zone, and then, when Gandalf had eaten his fill, turned towards the door, and entered my sights, I pounced.  HA!  This was the best ambush ever!  I flew over Gandalf landing just past and in front of him.  He jumped about 200 feet in the air.  It was great. 

I can't wait until Jen does laundry again!

Vayechi- Balancing the Jewish and the Secular

“And Joseph fell upon his father’s face and wept upon him, and kissed him. And Joseph commanded his servants the physicians to embalm his father, and the physicians embalmed Israel. And forty days were filled for him [Israel] because this filled the days of embalming, and Egypt wept for him seventy days. And when the days of weeping were past, Joseph said to the house of Pharaoh saying, “Please, if I have found favour in your eyes, please speak into the ears of Pharaoh saying, “May father made me swear saying, ‘Behold, I die; in my grave that I dug for myself in the land of Canaan, there you will bury me.’ Now permit me to go up and bury me father, and I will return.” And Pharaoh said, “Go up and bury your father as you swore.” And Joseph went up to bury his father, and all the servants of Pharaoh went up with him, and the elders of his [Pharaoh’s] house and all the elders of the land of Egypt.” (Breishit 50:1-7)

It is Jewish custom that we bury our dead as soon as possible, normally the next day. In our world of families living across countries and around the world, oftentimes funerals will need to be postponed as mourners travel. Nevertheless, even in these cases, halakhah dictates that we wait no longer than three days. This is not only a modern issue. Rachel dies in Bethlehem en route to Efrat giving birth to Benjamin. She is buried on way, there in Bethlehem, rather than in Machpelah.

Jacob dies in Egypt. Instead of being buried in Egypt, or even immediately taken back to Canaan for burial, Joseph orders the physicians of Egypt to embalm his father. The embalmers proceed with the drying process, which took forty days. Rashi and other commentators explain this was necessary to fulfill Joseph’s vow to his father, to bring him back to Hebron, to the cave of Machpelah, to be buried with his parents and grandparents. For seventy days all of Egypt wept for Jacob. The full mummification process is seventy days. What is interesting is that only after the full embalming is complete does Joseph go to Pharaoh’s court to request permission to leave Egypt. Shouldn’t Joseph have requested permission prior to the embalming process to know if it would be necessary? Furthermore, the body would have been ready for travel after the first forty days. Why the additional thirty? There is more to this process than just preparation for travel.

All Egypt mourns Jacob’s death. The elders accompany Joseph to Hebron to bury his father. Rashi points out that this is due to respect for Joseph. Joseph occupies a position only second to Pharaoh. Our tradition teaches that he maintained his Jewish practice, but as Vizier he would also have to follow Egyptian public custom. The Egyptians would have been horrified to have Joseph bury his father without the proper Egyptian respect due to Jacob by his son. To bury Jacob only according to Jewish practice would have lowered Joseph in the eyes of Egypt and challenged the practices of Pharaoh himself.

As Jews, we have lived in countries throughout the world. In every land we have balanced our practice with those of our country of residence. Even our law, which states, “Dina d’malchuta dina; the law of he land is the law,” recognizes this need. Only after Joseph had shown respect for the practices of Pharaoh and Egypt could he go to Pharaoh and expect mutual respect for his own practice.

And so remembering where we live while emphasizing our Jewish tradition, I hope we will all enjoy shared time and Chinese food away for our offices on December 25, and may 2013 bring peace and mutual respect to our world.

Vayyigash- Don't Worry, God is With You

 “And they went up out from Egypt and came to the land of Canaan to Jacob their father. And they spoke to him saying, "Joseph still lives, and thus he is ruler over all the land of Egypt," and his [Jacob’s] heart stopped because he did not believe them. And they told him all the words Joseph told them, and he saw the wagons that Joseph had sent to carry him, and the spirit of Jacob their father revived. And Israel said, "It is enough; Joseph my son still lives; I will go see him before I die.”” Breishit 45:25-28

When his sons return to him, Jacob is an old man. He is weary, having spent many years mourning Joseph. Fully enveloped in his emotions, Jacob has put aside his identity as Yisrael, one who wrestles, the head of the family and the father of our people, and has returned only to his previous persona of Yaakov, one who follows. He is going through the actions of life, but he is not really living. Upon hearing that Joseph lives, his heart stops, but he is revived as Israel. "It is enough.” says Israel. He is not concerned about his position in the family; he cares not for the wealth and glory of Joseph. He cares only that his son is alive.

However, now that Jacob is emotionally healed of his grief over Joseph he is no longer the frightened follower. He automatically becomes the strong and confident wrestler who is Israel.

Israel sets out, with his entire household, for Egypt. On the road Israel stops in Beersheva, offering sacrifices at the altar Isaac had built. God speaks to him in "night visions." In these dreams God calls out "Jacob, Jacob..." In his dreams, Israel reverts to his personal self. He is the insecure Jacob, the Jacob who ran from his brother and uncle, the Jacob who is sometimes afraid, the Jacob who allows his emotions to get the better of him. God calls, "Jacob, Jacob..." "Hineini; I am here." answers Jacob/Israel. God tells Jacob/Israel not to fear what is to come. There is a plan, and God will be there. It hearkens back to Jacob's earlier dream. After his dreams as a young man, Jacob made his covenant with God. Jacob promised to always follow as long as God will protect Jacob. Here, on the eve of entering Egypt, God reminds Jacob that no matter whether he is the strong leader of our people or the vulnerable Jacob, God is with him, as He will be with Jacob's descendants.

Mikketz- Shabbat Hanukah

Vaya’an Yosef et Par’o leimor biladai Ehlohim ya’aneh…

And Joseph answered Pharaoh, “it is not in me; God will answer…”

(Breishit 31:16)

Mikketz is a perfect parasha for Shabbat Hanukah. Joseph rises from the depth of oppression, imprisoned unfairly to practically rule Egypt. His dreams finally come true as his brothers bow before him. However, even knowing the future is not a guarantee of success. I am sure that with his grandiose dreams and dreams of grandeur Joseph never envisioned the lows to which he would sink before his dreams came true. Dream prophecy is always a bit fuzzy. It is never one hundred percent. Not all Joseph’s brothers bow at once. His mother is dead, and his father does not bow before him.

It’s not the dream that makes the future come true. It is the faith. In the humbling of Joseph, he realizes that it’s not he who is important. It is God’s plan and his faith in God that counts in the unfolding of the future. In parashat Vayeshev, Joseph tells the butler and the baker, “Halo l’Ehlohim pitronim.” “Do not interpretations belong to God?” Even before Pharaoh Joseph maintains his humility and faith. “Biladai Ehlohim ya’aneh et shalom Pharaoh.” “It is not in me; God will answer for the peace of Pharaoh.”

The story of the Maccabees is not so different. Mattisyahu does not cry out, “Whoever is against the Greeks join me.” No, his rallying cry is “Whoever is for God, follow me!” The Maccabee battle cry was not a merely a yell, to frighten with noise and fierceness. It was meant to strike fear into their enemies with the power of God “Mi chamocha ba’eilim A-donai!” “Who is like YOU among the mighty Lord!” The Maccabees original struggle is not about power. It is about faith. It is about being willing to place our lives in the hands of God.

Today, outside the Knesset building is a replica of the ancient menorah. It stands as a reminder to all those who enter the seat of Israeli government why we are here on earth. It is a reminder to be, even when all odds appear against us, or hagoyim, a light among the nations. Our own hanukiyot should shine from our windows as this light, to remind us, and to bring light to others.

Hanukah is a time of rededication. As the Maccabees rededicated the Temple, so to should we make efforts to rededicate our lives, our hearts and minds to our community, our Land, and our God.

It's My Turn #9, by Nora T. Cat

Okay, Gandalf is getting really annoying.  I get it.  You've been put on a diet.  You don't like it, and you're not happy.  Tough!  Seriously, tough.  Get over it.  The whining has got to stop.  All day he's nosing around for food.  Really, lentil soup?  It's just sad when a cat demeans himself by eating something like lentil soup.

By the way, you're not actually starving.

At night it's even worse.  Everyone is trying to sleep, and there's Gandalf.  Meowing and whining, and knocking his food bowl off the dresser.  WE"RE SLEEPING!  ALL OF US!  Just go crawl around the kitchen.  I'm sure there are some crumbs you've overlooked.

So sad.

Where's Gavi?

This past summer Ramah filmed holiday video e-cards to send out throughout the year.  The Rosh Hashanah card featured Keren's edah, singing and wishing everyone a good new year.  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MT56mAuRQqU.   Keren can be seen singing and participating with a smile.

This morning I received my Hanukah card.  This video features Gavi's edah.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-n_IjoCHyyU&feature=youtu.be  Are there smiling children?  Yes.  Is Gavi in the video?  Yes.  Is Gavi participating and smiling?  No.  Gavi can be seen twice.  The first time he is off to the side speaking with the teacher.  I am sure he is trying to convince Gavi to say something on camera.  Hahaha.  What a useless endeavor!  The second time Gavi can be seen wandering through the background.  Had he realized he was on camera, I am sure he would have wandered the other way.  Even at the end, when the kids form a hanukiyah on the ground with their bodies, Gavi is AWOL. 

Just one more way Gavi is forever deserving the camp award created in his name, the "Where's Gavi" award.

Gotta love em!

Adding the Imahot, Why I Don't

I've just finished davening.  (That's praying for the Yiddish-ly impaired.)  Throughout the week I use a number of different siddurim for my t'fillot.  At home I use the new Sacks siddur, Birnbaum, or the Sim Shalom.  At the office I use Va'Ani T'filati, the siddur published by the Masorti Movement in Israel.  I like using Va'Ani T'filati.  It's all in Hebrew, and so it's thin and light.  It took some getting use to though.  In all the t'fillot, wherever the word avoteinu, our fathers, or any of its derivatives appears, it is followed by imoteinu, or the appropriate counterpart.  It's hard to read over words.  How do you know to skip a word if you haven't read it.  If you've read it, haven't you added it to your t'fillot?

Why is this a big deal?  In the grand scheme of things it probably isn't.  But in my small world it's very important.  You see, I do not add the Imahot (the matriarchs) into my t'fillot.  Those making assumptions about me as a woman rabbi should check out my description of me.  It says "I'm not what you think."  For those free thinkers without preconceived notions, I should explain.  Many people assume that because I am a woman rabbi I am automatically on the left of the Movement.  I am not.  Many believe I will automatically add the Imahot, the Matriarchs, into my t'fillot because, after all, if I really understood how disenfranchised women have been before me, and fought to enable me to become a rabbi, I would want to do something about it.

I think that's way too simple.  I don't usually use the word feminist due to the baggage with which it has been encumbered over the decades, but my reason is a feminist one.  I examine Judaism historically and sociologically.  I believe that women have always been the strong leaders of the people Israel, from the time Sarah challenges Avraham with the words, "God will judge between me and you!" (Breishit 16:5)  If you didn't know the answer, God chooses Sarah.  In studying Jewish history, I have discovered women who were rebbes and women who were rabbis.  (In my mind, rebbes have a special connection to God beyond that of us mere mortals.)  True, it was hard to rise  beyond traditional societal roles to fulfill these positions, but that had more to do with society than with Judaism.  There is no halakhic reason a woman cannot be a rabbi.

But the t'fillot, some will ask, aren't they exclusionary?  I say no.  Hebrew is a gendered language.  As anyone who studies languages with gender knows, a plural word that is masculine does not necessarily refer only to men.  Avoteinu can be translated as our fathers, but it can also be translated, with no acrobatics, as our ancestors.  To me, the addition of the Imahot is a statement that our matriarchs are not included in the intention of the prayer.  That would mean that the significance of women in our history was excluded for centuries until modern feminists decided to add them.  I do not accept that.  I understand that some people feel pushed out.  But I have always read t'fillot to include me, and I would venture to say that those who feel left out of Jewish life and Jewish text are more effected by culture than the actual t'fillot or halakhah. 

But the Amidah, some will argue, it contains the names Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob.  Yes, that prayer speaks to specific relationships each had with God.  It mentions only those three, all men.  T'fillot were generally written by men, and they looked to the historical figures with whom they related.  I understand those who want to add Imahot into the start of the Amidah.  However, I am not so unenlightened as to think that I can only relate to a prayer that mentions women.  I can appreciate the relationships.  For me, adding Sarah, Rivka, Rachel, and Leah is choosing due to their marital status instead of their special relationships or leadership qualities.  Why not Rivka, Miriam, Devorah, and Hulda?  There is also a point at which brachot were set.  There is a beauty to the fact that Jews everywhere, reciting a traditional liturgy, can all pray together because we recite the same prayers.  Just because others seek to exclude me, does not mean I allow myself to be excluded.

Have a great day.

Catching Up

I was posting my divrei Torah, but it seemed that they get the fewest hits.  So I stopped worrying about them.  Turns out that a few hits means people still want to be able to access them.  So I've caught up.

Happy Vayeshev.

Vayeshev- Jacob's Legacy

Eileh toldot Yaakov Yosef ben shva-esrei shanah haya roeh et echav batzon vhu na’ar et b’nei Bilhah v’et b’nei Zilpah n’shei aviv vayavei Yosef et dibatam ra’ah el avihem.

These are the generations of Jacob; Joseph, 17 years old, was a shepherd with his brothers, still a lad, with the sons of Bilhah and the sons of Zilpah, his father’s women, and Joseph brought an evil report of them to their father.

Eileh toldot Yaakov, these are the generations of Jacob. We expect the names of his sons and daughter. We expect to hear of the twelve tribes. But these are the generations of Jacob. Jacob grows; he becomes Israel, and from Israel come the twelve tribes, but from Jacob comes another world. 

This is a fascinating way to begin the parasha. Eileh toldot Yaakov, these are the generations of Jacob. One would assume the verses to follow would tell us of lineage, but rather they, and the subsequent parasha, speak of the dissatisfaction and jealousy within the family. The story of Jacob’s generations is so famous Andrew Lloyd Weber felt it would make a great show. It has. It is a favourite of young and old. It is this story, the story of jealousy, the story of anger, but eventually the story of forgiveness, love, and redemption that is the descendant of Jacob.

Joseph, Jacob’s favourite is put to work at an early age. Seventeen seems an appropriate time to be shepherding, but the text tells us he was still a lad. He had not yet come into his own as a young man. In Jacob’s family there is a difference between the sons of Rachel and Leah and the sons of Bilhah and Zilpah. Of them, Joseph brings tales.

Questions abound. Why is Joseph with the sons of Bilhah and Zilpah? Where are his other brothers? Why is there this distinction? What evil tales could Joseph be spreading? Whatever the answer, we know that Joseph’s actions were enough to turn all his brothers against him; to anger them enough to consider killing him, and to eventually sell him into slavery. While most siblings probably fantasize about this at some point, Joseph’s actions must have been extreme to force their hand in this manner.

All of this is the inheritance of Jacob. Joseph was 17 years old. Joseph was his father’s favourite. At his father’s knee he learned favouritism. He learned tale-bearing, and he learned deception. He fills his father’s place.  Jacob’s parents had favourites. Jacob lived by deception. Only when he comes to Egypt as Israel have both he and Joseph moved beyond their past to redemption. As Tim rice wrote for Andrew Lloyd Weber, once in Egypt there are “bright colours shining, wonderful and new.”  They have moved beyond the generations of Jacob to the generations of Israel.

Vayishlach- Facing Our Fears & Embracing the Future (or the politically incorrect title- Jacob Mans Up)

This week’s dvar is taken from a piece I wrote while still at JTS. It was relevant then, and, with the seemingly daily need to pull down our leaders and heroes through gossip and details of their personal lives, I think it is relevant today.  Sean says it's one of my best ever.

There has been talk in recent years about the dysfunction of families in the Tanakh, specifically those families to whom we look as our ancestors. Before dysfunction became a catchword, we were taught that what is special about our ancestors is that they were not perfect. Even with their faults, they were righteous people. I believe this to be true. It is not the existence of these faults that make our ancestors good or bad, but how they lived with them.

Families of today are not so different from the families about whom we read in the Genesis. Problems existed. Today we see the same dilemmas on talk shows or in gossip columns. Spouses deceive one another; there is abuse; sisters love the same man, and sibling rivalry can lead to the tragic point of murder. This could easily be the line-up for any talk show during sweeps week. But this is our history, given to us in order to teach how we should live.

At first glance we might wonder what God wants us to learn from these stories of pain. The Tanakh is not a tabloid. Like talk-show audiences, we are given a glimpse into the private and difficult live of people we call our ancestors. On the other hand, we also have the opportunity to see how they handled their problems and conflicts in their lives- without the audience.

Vayishlach is a perfect example of this. We know Jacob and Esau were fighting even in the womb. It is clear to us that they were each the favourite of one parent, putting them further into conflict. The rivalry increased until Jacob was finally forced to flee for his life. Now, it is time for Jacob to return home. He cannot do this without confronting both his brother and the actions of his past. What will happen? It is obvious through Jacob’s fear that the animosity between him and Esau is not completely forgotten. Perhaps it should not be. But what of Esau? How does he feel after having so many years to dwell upon their relationship?

Whatever Jacob’s fears, the time has come. Jacob does not resort to appearing on the View or being interviewed by Larry King. He does not cry out to an audience asking someone else to solve his problems. He confronts himself, and only then, after he has come to terms with his past, does he meet his brother again.

Moreover, they do not come together, eyes blazing with anger, in front of the entire world. Jacob goes alone, before his entourage. Esau runs to meet him, alone. Together, yet alone, they reconcile. The past is behind them. They embrace the future.

Their story ends, “Vayigva Yitzhak vayamot vayei’a’sef el amav zakein usba yamim vayik’b’ru oto Eisav v’Ya’akov banav.” “And Isaac expired and died and was gathered to his people, old and full of days; and Esau and Jacob, his sons, buried him together.” (Breishit 35:29)

Vayetze- Relationships

V’einei Leah rakot v’Rachel heita yafat toar vifat mar’eh. Va’yeh’ahav Ya’akov et Rachel….

And Leah’s eyes were weak, and Rachel was fair of form and lovely to look at. And Jacob loved Rachel…. (Breishit 29:17-18)

Jacob has left his home having secured his birthright through trickery of his father and brother.  On his way he encounters God.  Recognizing that he was blind to God’s presence in his effort to flee, this encounter sets him on a path of change. But change does not happen overnight. 

Jacob reaches Lavan’s home.  He sees Rachel, and he is smitten.  Jacob’s love is proclaimed throughout the ages.  He works fourteen years for her hand, yet his love is superficial.  He is besotted with her looks.  Of their love the Torah tells us only that “Leah’s eyes were weak, and Rachel was fair of form and lovely to look at. And Jacob loved Rachel.”  Compare this to Isaac’s love for Rebecca.  “And Isaac brought her [Rebecca] into his mother Sarah’s tent, and her took Rebecca, and she became his wife, and he loved her.” (Breishit 24:67) 

Isaac’s love for Rebecca is built upon the life they create together.  As they grow together their love becomes deep and strong.  Together they build a partnership, which serves and supports them throughout their lives.  Theirs is the loving partnership described in Breishit, the ezer k’negdo.

Jacob’s love lacks this depth.  He loves Rachel with a lasting love, one that can withstand the many years he works, but it lacks the support and warmth of his parents.  When difficulties arise Jacob and Rachel are k’neged, antagonists, lacking the ezer, the help they should have for each other.

We are all too often focused on the surface.  We forget that relationships must not just be long, a thing that can be accomplished via Facebook or Twitter, knowing everything, but being involved in nothing.  Our focus becomes the next big thing instead of the solid, enduring reality.  In our world of quick and easy, we need to remember to focus our efforts to the deep and meaningful beyond the tweet. We may be infatuated by the surface, but once past the first impression, we should work together to create the deep relationships that allow us to build entwined lives.

Toldot- Positive Role Models

Vayetar Yitzhak lA-donai l’nokhach ishto ki akara hi vayei’ater lo A-donai vatahar Rivka ishto

And Isaac entreated A-donai on behalf of his wife because she was barren, and A-donai allowed himself to be entreated, and Rivka, his wife, conceived. (Breishit 25:21)

Each of our matriarchs has been described as barren. Each eventually conceives. In the ancient world, not so different from our own, the state of being without children was viewed as a problem. Women, often treated as property, needed children, especially male children to ensure their future. A son ensured there would be someone to care for you in your dotage. Within the greater world, barrenness was seen as a problem originating with the woman. However Torah and commentary show a view beyond this “traditional” idea. 

Avraham questions God about his lack of children. He does not look only to fault Sarah.  At the same time though, Avraham fails to see their barrenness. He sees only his barrenness. Sarah, seeking to solve the problem, gives her handmaid, Hagar, to Avraham. Hagar conceives, solving the surface problem, but causing the barrenness between Sarah and Avraham to fester.

When Rachel, the love of Jacob’s life, comes to him to plead for children, his response is defensive. Jacob yells back “Is this my fault?” (Paraphrase mine)  He does not blame Rachel, but neither does he share the pain.

Isaac, unique among our patriarchs, feels the emotion of his wife. “She [had become] his wife, and he loved her, and Isaac was comforted after [the loss of] his mother” (Breishit 24:67). Isaac understands loss. He openly feels emotions, and understands the comfort of a shared burden. 

Torah does not tell us that Rivka asked Isaac to pray to God. In fact, when questioning, Rivka is perfectly comfortable seeking her own answers. She is as much a prophet as Isaac. Nonetheless, Isaac understands that barrenness is not one person’s problem or one person’s pain. He seeks counsel in regard to their shared situation. Rivka is barren as she is the only one able to be pregnant, but her barrenness effects them both. Isaac’s openness to this shared state is indicative of their mutual love and respect, and the equality of their relationship. There are too few positive role models for modern marriage in our Torah. Isaac’s image of shared love, emotion, and burden is one we should seek to emulate.

Chaye Sarah- What We Do In Life Matters

Vayeihyu chaye Sarah mei’ah shanah v’esrim shanah v’sheva shanim shnei chaye Sarah

And the life of Sarah was one hundred years and twenty years and seven years; these were the years of the life of Sarah.  (Breishit 23:1)

Parashat Chaye Sarah seems not to be about Sarah’s life, but rather about Sarah’s death and the aftermath. Beyond this pasuk the parasha does not mention Sarah’s life. The parasha deals with Avraham’s actions and reactions following her death. Avraham must bury Sarah. He mourns her, and out of this seems to come concern for their legacy.  Avraham secures a future for Isaac, which consumes the majority of the parasha. Once this is done Avraham remarries. He fathers six more children, and guarantees the inheritance of each of them and Isaac by providing for them, and sending them off to form their own futures.

Nevertheless, the parasha bears Sarah’s name. The question could be asked, “Is it Sarah’s death that is the impetus for these actions, or was it Sarah’s life?” 

“And the life of Sarah was one hundred years…” “And the life of Sarah was… twenty years…” “And the life of Sarah was… seven years…” While the breaking down of numbers is a common literary device, everything in the Torah has a purpose. Why one hundred and twenty and seven? Why not 127? 

In each of our lives there are stages during which we live a different life. We are children. We are young adults. We are spouses. We are parents. Each piece of our lives is different. During these periods we act differently; we think differently. In the end it is not the total of years that matter, but the lives lived during those years.

Vayeira- Even God Shares

Va’A-donai amar ha’m’chaseh ani mei’avraham asher ani oseh?

And A-doni said, “Should I hide from Avraham that which I do?”  (Breishit 18:17)

This is an interesting verse.  To whom is God speaking?  Commentary assumes that “said” here means “thought”.  God would be speaking to no one.  I, however, like the image of God working out His thoughts by speaking to Himself.  In parashat Breishit things come into being by God’s speech.  The act of speaking aloud by God is in itself an act of creation.  Here also, God speaks and it becomes reality.

“Should I hide from Avraham that which I do?”  Perhaps the verse should say, “Why should I share with Avraham that which I am about to do?”  Yes, Avraham has a special relationship with God.  All the same, God is God, and needs no approval for decisions and actions.  Nevertheless, God chooses to share the decision to destroy S’dom and Amorah with Avraham, setting up one of the most famous dialogues in history.  Why would God do this?  Furthermore, when Avraham questions, “but what about 50 righteous, or 45, or 40, or 30, or 20, or 10” God des not simply say, “This is my decision,” or even “There are no righteous there.”  God works through the debate with Avraham.  God takes Avraham through the exercise of looking for the good even when God knows there is none to be found.

Traditional commentary speaks of this as one of the ten tests of Avraham.  Instead of tests, think of ten lessons of Avraham.  Tests mark our progress.  They assess that which we already know.  After a test we are secure and proud or disappointed.  Lessons help us to progress.  They help us grow and mature to become better people.  Even when we make mistakes in lessons, we should not feel disenchanted or disillusioned, because our mistakes are progress instead of errors.

At the end of the dialogue there is no conclusion.  Avraham has asked his last question.  God says simply, “I will not destroy it [the cities] for the sake of ten.”  Then God stops speaking, and continues on His way, and Avraham returns to his own place.  Tests are graded.  Answers are right or they are wrong.  God is not an examiner.  God is a teacher leaving His student to ponder the lessons and make up his own mind. 

Another Great Company- All Hail Lego

First read this- http://consumerist.com/2012/12/03/lego-finds-spare-discontinued-set-so-boy-who-saved-up-for-2-years-wouldnt-be-disappointed/.  Lego found and gifted a discontinued set to a child who'd been saving for it.  Even better than the set, although perhaps not in the child's eyes, was the letter praising his willpower and patience in saving his money; as well as his love of and passion for Lego.  I hope that James does grow up to work for Lego some day, and that when he applies for the job he takes that special letter with him.

Years ago Sean and I began collecting Lego.  I figured you can never have too many Lego pieces.  I bought on sale.  I bought at yard sales.  I bought and bought.  When my children were old enough to play with Lego there was a short time when I thought I was wrong.  You can have too many Lego piece.  Wall to wall Lego on your floor is painful to the feet.

In our current home we have a huge crawlspace that has become a children play space.  On one side of the room there is Play Mobil (also good).  On the other side of the room there is Lego world.  Legos have created a city of skyscrapers in Gavi's room.  They have been cars and houses.  They have been castles, space ships, and zoos.  They are home to animals, dinosaurs, and people.  They have taught us patience, balance, and color coordination.  They fuel the imagination and build coordination.  Put Sean or me in a room with Legos and we can be busy for hours.

I was mistaken.  You can never have too many Lego pieces.

Kitty Blog 7, by Gandalf the Grey

I hate rain.  Sunday I ventured out into my big backyard only to be pelted with the water from the sky.  I ran back to the house, but my people were not paying attention, and I had to sit on the doorstep waiting for them to notice.  Finally Jen noticed the wet, and let me in.  Once I dried off and warmed up I was ready to run again.  Those darn people would not let me back out.  They kept telling me it was raining.  Do they think I'm daft?  I know it's raining.  Really!  That's why you need to wait at the door to let me back in when the rain begins to penetrate my fur.  That cane take five to ten minutes.  In the meantime, I run between the raindrops.  I am stealth. It was to no avail.  I was stuck.  Then Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday they go to their outside places, and here I am stuck in the house.

Now Nora is starting to eat my food.  What's up with that?!  It's my food.  She knows that.  She doesn't even like it.  When we shared food she'd eat around my food, and only eat hers, even though they were mixed.  Why does she torture me in this manner?!

Sleep now.

Why I Hate Commuting

First, it is important to say that I really like my job.  I get to work for two organizations supporting the Masorti/Conservative Movement in Israel.  It is something about which I am passionate, and I get to help make a difference.  That said, I loved the time when I did not work.  I enjoyed being a stay-at-home parent and homemaker.  I felt like my house was in order, and I was more involved at my kids' schools.  I miss that.

What I do not like about working is commuting.  I would be a terrible work-from-home employee.  It's okay for a one-off, but on a regular basis I would see the dishes that needed to be put away or the laudry that needing washing.  It's a good thing that I work in an office where my major distractions are other projects on which I could be working. 

That said, why does commuting have to be so awful.  It's not about the distance or time.  I have commutes that took over an hour, but were fine.  I would take public transit.  On the train/bus I would read the paper or nap.  I would people-watch.

My current commute is a 7-10 minute drive from my house.  I am lucky that way.  There is little time that needs to be taken from the rest of life to get to the office.  On the other hand, when I do take public transit the commute more than doubles in length.  Some of thi is due to the fact that I have to take two busses to replace my 10 minute drive.  But what drives me crazy are days like today when the commute took me an hour.  Yes, my 10 minute drive became an hour on the bus. 

Still gimpy from foot surgey, I am walking slower.  As slow as I am, it could not have added much to my two block walk. unfortunately, I did miss a bus.  The next came pretty quickly.  There was no seat (to be expected), and the start/stop jerkiness of the drive did little to help my foot.  I arrived at Finch Avenue to change busses.  After much too long a wait, a bus arrived.  It was so full the crowd that had gathered could not hope to to get on.  A second bus arrived.  The same issue.  Finally, a third bus approached the bus stop.  It was that bus I boarded, thankfully getting a seat.  Of course the bus stopped behind two others at my stop, adding three bus lengths to my walk.  Yes, I know that sounds whiney, but after a walk to the bus stop, standing on the first bus, and waiting for the bus to arrive, I was sore and unhappy.

I am thankfully sitting at my desk with my foot slightly elvated, hoping the throbbing will stop.

It's My Turn #8, By Nora T. Cat

It has been a busy few days.  I have transitioned from nurse to general caretaker.  Jen is much better, but definitely overdoing it.  I have taken it upon myself to intercede, forcing her to take breaks.  I made sure she spent Shabbat resting.

Shabbat was wonderful.  There were no ridiculous vegetarian or dairy meals.  It was meat all the way.  There was chicken wonton soup for dinner.  I enjoyed a nice warm bowl.  Soup is a delightful human food.  I understand Jen's love of it.  Shabbat lunch had more soup and roast chicken.  Gandalf, even on his diet doesn't seen to be interested.  He runs in, but then eats little.  Wonderful; more for me!

Today Gandalf kept going in and out.  Why can he not remember it is freezing outside?  Out, in, out, in.  Really!  Then all he wants to do is curl up with me to warm up.  I am so not interested in being his heating pad.

On the plus side, when he's outside Jen gives me treats.  Gandalf can't have any due to his diet.  I've also had to go without.  That is not fair!  In return, I let Jen know when Gandalf is waiting at the door to come back in.  He looks so cold, his fur all fluffed up to preserve warmth.  I almost feel sorry for him.

Tonight we are relaxing.  The family is watching a movie.  I am relaxing with my special little, pink sock.

Happy night.

November 29 & The Power Of Names

About twenty years ago Sean & I spent the school year living is Israel.  We lived at 28A Rehov Kaf-Tet B'November.  In English that's 28A 29th of November Street.  If you live there now, please write.  I'd love to know if the orange leather couch and the black leather chair are still there.  They weren't beautiful, but they were the most comfortable furniture I've ever had.

It was difficult to explain our address to people in the US.  I grew up on Long Island, the home of Levittown.  Streets in developments were named by the developers.  They often bore names of the developers' families.  Other names were common as well.  There were the bird sections (Robin, Bluejay, Sparrow), the tree sections (Oak, Birch, Maple), and the president section (Lincoln, Washington, Garfield).  Names repeated in town after town, but (beyond the presidents) the names had little meaning.  In New York City streets were numbered.  Other names were left from colonial times- biblical names or name places from the homeland.  There are some historical names (as with the presidents), but somehow there doesn't seem to be great significance in most cases.

In Canada, as in the US, streets often bear colonial names.  Newer names come from the British monarchy or Canadian history.  I live off Bathurst Street.  Henry Bathurst, the third earl Bathurst, organized immigration to Canada after the War of 1812.  How many people know that?  As with the US, the historical significance is minimal and ignored.

Israel is different.  We lived on Kaf-Tet B'November.  Nearby was Rehov Jabotinsky, Rambam, Lamed-Hey (35), Eli Cohen, and Rachel Imeinu.  History is significant.  Everyone in every generation knew the significance of Kaf-Tet B'November.  On November 29, 1967, the UN voted in the partition part to create two states in the British controlled territory.  The day after independence was officially declared on 5 Iyar (aka May 14, 1948), the armies of Egypt, Syria, Jordan, Iraq, Saudi Arabia and Lebanon invaded the new Jewish state.  The state of Palestine was never declared.  It's land was divided among Israel, Egypt, and Jordan. 

History also predates the state, even as a colony.  Zeev Jabotinsky was a Zionist orator pre-state.  Rambam was a medieval philosopher and Jewish scholar.  Lamed-Hey is 35 in Hebrew (the letters lamed=30 and hey=5).  It stands for the convoy of 35 Haganah men who were trying to resupply the blockaded Gush Etzion kibbutizim in January of 1948.  Eli Cohen was an Israeli spy who infiltrated Syria in the early 60's.  Rachel Imeinu is our mother Rachel, our matriarch.  

The street names, as with cities and other places in Israel, ring out with history from the earliest days of Avraham and Sarah right up until today.  It is a history that is remembered on every drive, in every address written.  

It is not of little significance that 65 years later, Abu Mazen chose to request a vote for observer status on November 29.  It is a situation that could have been avoided had the Arab nations allowed the partition plan to take effect creating two states.  What is they, as Israel, had instead declared a state, acknowledged Israel, and worked toward peace?  We have no way to know what that history would have been, only that it would have been different.