Beginning Again

In the last two years, I've written two posts. There are many excuses.

• I've been busy. 
• After Gandalf died, we adopted two cats, Hecate and Cinnamon. 
• Hecate died. 
• Cinnamon needed a friend. Welcome Pippin.
• My life changed. 
• I went from working 21+ hours a week to 40+ hours. 
• Sean and I haven't fully adapted to the change of me working full-time.
• We moved. And we've been renovating for 19 months and counting. 
• I got orthotics. (Okay, that one doesn't really work.)
• Nora died.
• I've been diagnosed with sleep apnea.
• And ADHD, combined type. (That includes hyperactivity and impulsive type plus inattention and distractable type.)
• And for the last 5.5 months, I have been without words, broken, sad, and unable to move forward. 

It's all these and more. 

And, for the last 5.5 months, though I've frequently thought of writing, I am without words. Even as I type this, I am at a loss.

Today, driving to London, ON, I listened to Shalom Haver. It's a 2-disc set compiled after the assassination of Yitzhak Rabin. There was so much promise for peace at that time. Even after the assassination, we had hope. I want to get that hope back. 

I pride myself on my optimism. During the last 5.5 months, I wanted to write and was without words. They still elude me. I watch what's happening around the world, the increase of antisemitism and the rise of nationalism, and it's hard to retain my optimism. Something needs to change.

So, let me catch up, and maybe, through writing, I can find my words. 

So, all those things with which I started. Watch this space. Explanations are coming.

Tzom Gedaliah 5784 - Politics & Pendulums

Today is Tzom Gedaliah, commemorating the assassination of Gedaliah, the Jewish governor appointed by Nebuchadnezzar, on Rosh Hashanah a few years following the destruction of the Kingdom of Judah and the First Temple in Jerusalem in 586 BCE.

I'm thinking about the day and extremist politics.

Gedaliah was assassinated by Ishmael, a member of the royal family of Judah. Maybe Ishmael was upset with Gadaliah's policies (encouraging the Jews to cultivate fields and vineyards, to begin the work of rebuilding, albeit under foreign rule). Maybe he was angry the ruling family did not have a place in the now Babylonian Judea. Maybe he was influenced by the neighbouring kingdom of Ammon. It's unknown.

Whatever Ishmael's motives, the assassination led to a state of fear among the remaining people and is considered the final blow in the destruction of Jerusalem and Jewish self-rule at the time.

I wonder about the extremist view that says through its actions, it is better we should all fail than my opponents get to be in charge. This may not even be a conscious decision. Nonetheless, when the rhetoric occupies the extremes, this is the result.

I am thinking about the countries that most impact my life: Canada, the US and Israel. In these, as well as other countries around the world, more and more people, not only politicians but regular citizens too, attack their opponents, completely disregarding that, though they hold different opinions, they are (I hope) trying to work for the betterment of the country and its citizens.

My father z"l taught me the pendulum swing of politics and culture. Simply put, things issues, people, politics, policies, etc.) swing to one extreme, reaching a peak, returning to the centre, and then continuing to swing to the opposite extreme, much like the carnival rides I remember from childhood. It was an easy way to explain the ebb and flow of cultural life. Though, of course, it's much more complicated than that, the pendulum swing theory does generally hold. I have added to that view my own that life is lived in the greys of the centre and not the black and white ends. We are better together.

I am lucky. I get to work in this centre space. The only extreme is the dedication to multipartisanship. Today I am thinking of Gedaliah. He was willing to engage, not simply reject. He encouraged others to find their place. (I realize I'm reaching and imagining a story for Gedaliah that he may not have had, but rabbis are called to interpret.) He encouraged the regular citizens around him to work to make their place in the world a better one, encouraging security and mental and emotional ownership instead of building fear. As I fast this Tzom Gedaliah, I hope this is a carnival ride soon to reach its peak and not a pendulum swinging into the pit of Edgar Allen Poe.

New Beginnings, Or Why There are No More Challah Pictures

I started a new job on Monday. I now work for CJPAC - The Political Engagement People. 

CJPAC is a national, independent, multi-partisan organization. Our mandate is to engage Jewish and pro-Israel Canadians in the democratic process and to foster active political participation. We are dedicated to helping community members build relationships within the Canadian political arena.

It takes me out of advocacy and puts me 100% into engagement. 

So, you may ask, what about the two weeks previously? We were visiting Keren in DC two weeks ago. We left the boys alone, and drove to the motherland (that is the land where our mothers were born). And last week? we'd just arrived home and were trying to transition to our future. 

So, what is this future? The future is me working full time while Sean works part time, at least for the near future. Practically, this means Sean will make challah and Shabbat dinner, since I will be working Fridays. This is definitely going to take some work to get it moving smoothly. 

Sean, this week, made the challah. He tells me the ring represents the king’s ring in Megillat Esther that features so prominently. He came up with that after the fact. It doesn’t matter. It look pretty and will taste even better.

For now I will simply say Shabbat shalom and there's an Ontario provincial election coming up. Get involved. CJPAC can help.

Shabbat Shekalim - Obligations

 This week is Shabbat Shekalim, the time we are all called upon to donate machazit shekel, a half-shekel, to the community coffers. Monies were used, among other things, to repair the roads in preparation for the Pesach pilgrimage to Jerusalem. I just competed learning Masechet Pesachim and am half-way into Masechet Shekalim, so these ideas are in the forefront of my mind. 

Here are my shekalim, copied from a Wikipedia photo, complete with the proto-Hebrew letters. 

Money could be drawn from the community funds to redeem captives or feed the poor. There is a continuing tradition, based in the matanot l’evyonim at Purim, of giving tzedakah specifically for this purpose at this time of year. This is weighing heavily on my mind just now as the Russian army moves further and further into Ukraine. The Jewish Agency has a hotline set up to help the Jewish community, especially connecting students in Israel with their families who are likely in danger. They are sending care packages and helping speed up the process for those who wish to make aliyah. And MK Yair Lapid has ordered the Israeli embassy remain open to help those who need it. 

Ukraine also has the fastest growing Masorti/Conservative Jewish community. Masorti Olami has set up an emergency fund to help move people to safety in Western Ukraine, to provide the basic necessities of life, psychological counseling, and care packages and mishloach manot for Purim. Even in the darkest times there should be some joy.

If you’d like to help at this time - 

In Canada- Go to USCJ at Canada Helps. Make sure you scroll to Masorti Canada Ukrainian Relief Fund.  

In the US - Go to Masorti Olami. Make sure to check “specific program or community” and type in Ukraine Relief Fund.

Thank you for you support. 

Our other challot are simply pretty. We all need more beauty in our lives. 

From our home to yours, wishing you a Shabbat shalom, may it be peaceful for all of us soon.

Ki Tissa - All Is Divine

 After last week’s very late post (in the wee hours of this morning), I am trying to be a little earlier this week.

This week’s parasha is chock full, and so there are multiple challah shapes. Thursday has become “Inappropriate Challah Shape Suggestions” Evening. The most popular was a golden calf. I might have considered it, but free form challah shaping is very fickle. I sometimes think about getting molds to shape my challah. Points and corners round out when bread rises. But where would I keep them? Maybe sometime in the future.

Instead, I look to easier shapes. This week I made feet. Some may think it odd to have foot-shaped food. Feet are considered dirty in many cultures. In some, it’s the worst affront to show one’s sole. To wash one’s feet before seeking God, or to have one’s feet washed is a humbling experience. It harkens back to childhood and being cared for and loved. Aaron and his sons, and the those who come after, are cared for by the community. They are provided for. And through them (though not only through them) the community interacts with God.

The other shape is a paintbrush. It is not only Aaron, the kohanim and leviim who do God’s work. Every artisan shares a divine gift with the community. Betzalel, after whom Israel’s art institute is named, provides just as vital a part of our lives as Aaron. What is life without art and creativity?

This week is also the week of the Aseret Dibrot, aka the Ten Commandments (thosugh there are more than ten and not all are commandments, but I digess). 

(Keeping in mind my commends about free form bread rising,) these are the second tablets. The five balls per tablet represent each of the utterances. They sit on the broken pieces of the smashed tablets. God instructed Moshe to put the whole and the broken in the ark together. Both are holy, the broken and the whole, and sometimes we need the broken to be whole.

Finally, it’s not a Gorman Shabbat without a cupcake challah. Both the cupcake challah and the tablets are covered in streusel, For Torah is supposed to be sweet in our mouths. Even though there is much that can frustrated me in our texts and our history, I believe Judaism to be a religion seeking always to be better, and so we balance the bitter with the sweet.

A sweet Shabbat shalom to all.